


Desperation

by Movie_Riggs



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: AU because isn't it always, F/M, Nightmares, Revenge, Tragedy, Y'all should be used to that by now right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 14:00:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15642201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Movie_Riggs/pseuds/Movie_Riggs
Summary: In the wake of Thanos' Snap, Michelle is haunted by Peter's death and promises herself she will find a way to get him back.





	Desperation

**Author's Note:**

> This one might be a little far-fetched but it's what I've had on my mind so let's roll with it.

What was that place in The Lion King called? The one in the shadows, outside of the kingdom, where Simba was never supposed to go?

Michelle couldn't remember (you'll forgive her for this, because after all, there's a lot happening at the moment) exactly, but Titan reminded her of that place. It was desolate and cold and dark and empty. The ground was solid black rock, and as if that wasn't bad enough, most of the moonlight was cut out by mountains and pillars and ruins, perhaps speaking of the great society the planet had once been a home to. 

Her breathing was thin and rapid. She supposed she was lucky that the planet was hospitable to human lungs at all. It certainly wasn't hospitable to a human's normal gravity. She would feel as heavy as a car in one spot and as light as a balloon in the next. Maybe it all had to do with whatever had brought this planet to its knees.

Maybe it had to do with what was happening now.

Because of the darkness, there wasn't a lot Michelle could make out except for when the occasional fiery explosion lit up her surroundings. Whenever that happened, she would get a glimpse of several small figures and one large one in a crater only a few yards away. The small figures were what was left of the Avengers. The large one, though she had never seen him before, she knew to be Thanos. 

His eyes were a piercing, evil yellow and there were six colorful glowing stones on his left hand. It was so dark that it seemed these eyes and these glowing stones were simply hovering in the air, doing battle with a hovering Arc reactor. 

Michelle never cared for Tony Stark, but she found herself cheering for him. _C'mon, Iron Man. C'mon, Iron Man._

It was pointless. If she were able to look into herself, she would know this, because she'd seen all this happen before, hadn't she? Each time, she just hoped it would turn out differently.

It didn't.

There was a crash, a dying man's scream, and the light of the Arc reactor fizzled out.

" _You bastard!_ "

Even when he was using uncharacteristically bad language, Michelle knew the voice of Peter Parker anywhere. Only this wasn't Peter Parker. This was Spider-Man. And he was the last Avenger left.

Maybe there was some part of Michelle that realized she had seen this all play out many times in the past, because this time she did something she had never done before.

She left her hiding place.

As Spider-Man, visible by his glowing blue eyes, rushed against Thanos, Michelle sprinted down toward the crater.

"Stop!" she cried. "Stop!"

Thanos' yellow eyes flicked briefly over to her, and that was the advantage Peter needed. He threw a brutal punch to Thanos' face and began spewing webbing from his wrist--Michelle couldn't see the webbing but she could hear it--and then there were grunts and the glowing blue eyes squinted tightly. Peter was trying to pull off the gauntlet.

It did no good. 

Suddenly, Thanos roared and jerked back on the webbing, pulling Peter's body into his grasp. 

Just then, Michelle came skidding to a halt, directly in front of the Mad Titan.

"Wait! Don't!" she shouted. "Don't!"

Peter's head lolled weakly in her direction. He tried to wheeze out something, but Thanos' giant hand was wrapped around his neck.

Thanos' attention, however, was now on Michelle. He sneered wordlessly at her. 

"I'm begging you," Michelle said, hating how humble she was being against this stupid, cruel being. "Please."

Tears started to fall from her eyes, because she had seen this all play out before and she knew Thanos wasn't going to listen to her.

He didn't.

And just like always, that was when Michelle woke up.

* * *

 Day 137, like the other 136 days, was actually just a tally mark on the wall next to her bed.

It was not the 137th day since the Incident itself. Michelle had stayed at May Parker's apartment (with May and Ned) for several months after her family and a lot of other people disappeared from the face of the Earth. Dead, everyone assumed. Dead or worse, which was why Michelle hoped dead. It was the 137th day since she'd left the apartment.

She shouldn't have left May and Ned, she supposed, because they didn't need one more thing to worry about. She did it because she just couldn't stand to be in a place where Peter had been every day of his life anymore. Same reason she wouldn't have stayed in her own house even if literally every last person she knew was gone and there was nowhere else for her to take refuge. She didn't want to think about her mom, dad or baby sister. Fuck it all anyway, _especially_ not her poor sweet baby sister.

Of course, she still did think about all four of them. Every day. 

But now it was okay. Now she was somewhere where none of them had ever set foot. And she was here for a purpose.

To train.

Chikara Dojo was empty when she found it, and it was now still empty except for her. 

Here she had spent the last 137 days teaching herself to use the weapons in the dojo and exercising till she was becoming so well-toned she could have been Spider- _Woman_. 

Perhaps that was pointless to do, since the freaking Avengers couldn't take on Thanos and win. How the hell was she supposed to?

She didn't know. Maybe it just made her feel better to have this goal. 

Although if that was the truth, she probably wouldn't have also been conducting research.

Physical training was not all that Michelle was doing in that dojo. There was mental training, too.

Michelle was a brilliant person and liked to be alone anyway. Give her a minute, she's good. An hour, she's great. Give her over a third of a year? She's fucking incredible.

When the Black Widow dumped all of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s secrets onto the Internet in 2014, people were mostly just interested in all the dirty, previously classified secrets. Michelle might have dabbled in those herself. She wasn't now. Now, she was only interested in learning one thing, and she was damn near close to feeling like she had.

This one thing was learning the basics of flying a Quinjet.

* * *

 The streets of New York City aren't terribly safe after the Incident, but Michelle hasn't run into any trouble herself. She's seen it, though. The city has almost turned into the version if itself from that really old movie Peter and Ned like called Escape from New York. Groups of murderous-looking scavengers will raid stores and homes at will, and Michelle can only assume that if they find anyone alive in those places, there could be some horrible results.

So she's stayed holed up in the dojo (or the Parker apartment before that) with her laptop except for once in a while when she needed to restock. Early morning, just as daylight was coming into full swing, was the best. She would walk into this little supermarket--the owner long gone--and take what she needed, then return quickly to her safe haven.

Today, she passed by the supermarket and kept walking. It was likely that some of the cars lining the street were still working just fine, but Michelle had seen the news and there was nothing but pictures of catastrophic wrecks up and down every road and highway. Trying to navigate through that would be counterproductive. 

What she was looking for she found on the sidewalk, overturned with its rider missing. 

The bicycle was getting awfully rusty and the chain had fallen off, but the tires weren't flat and so it was easily fixable. Michelle rode it standing up when she could, as it was a size too small for her and her long legs, and she used a compass (yeah, that's right; she may belong in the generation of the digital age, but she knows her way around the olden methods) to help her find her way out of the city and toward her destination.

Her destination which was upstate.

* * *

 The Avengers facility was not abandoned, unlike a lot of the places Michelle has seen lately. There are people milling about looking just as busy as they would be otherwise. Michelle knows that not all of the Avengers died, of course. Some lived. Apparently that didn't mean they were going to do anything about the Incident. They were just going to write it off and cut their losses. Michelle didn't want to blame them. Even Stark, who now had a baby to look after if the stories were to be believed (and why shouldn't they? The Daily Bugle's J. Jonah Jameson hadn't disappeared. Bummer). But he was an Avenger before he was ever a father, and he made a damn promise to help protect the people of Earth, didn't he? Didn't they all?

Michelle wasn't ready to cut her losses. Not by a long shot.

She's dressed herself in clothes she found at the dojo. Martial arts clothes, though there's probably a more technical name for them. But that's not important. What's important is that they are black and will hopefully give her the power of stealth. If Ned were here, he would probably want to make some quip about how Michelle was her own superhero now. Ninja Girl. The Black Cat. Something idiotic and nerdy. Well, Ned wasn't here and he hadn't been in the mood for talking excitedly about superheroes or any other Nerd Topic for quite some time now. It was up to Michelle to fix that now.

She goes around the perimeter of the facility to the back, where there is a landing platform with several of the exact vehicles she needs. 

She makes her way to the lowest of those platforms, staying flat against the nearest wall or the ground whenever possible. 

It's really a simple process: boost yourself up onto the Quinjet's wingtip, shimmy down to the cockpit and jimmy the lock open, and do all of this while avoiding any potential passersby or security cameras. Maybe it's just a lot of luck, but the Black Widow would be proud of her all the same. 

Once inside, Michelle encounters one slight hiccup. Starting the Quinjet up requires a voice identification.

Michelle guesses it's a lost cause, then tries, "Natasha Romanoff?" anyway. 

There is a low buzz. " _Voice key incorrect_ ," the female AI says.

Michelle sits in the pilot's chair thinking for a moment, then an idea strikes her. 

She's kept her phone charged all this time. Not because she's been expecting any calls, but because Bubble Pop is still a damn good way to pass the time. What she's doing now isn't Bubble Pop, though. What she's doing now isn't necessarily something she wants to be doing, because she doesn't think she can handle hearing his voice again when he's not really there. 

This might be the only way to ensure he's really there the next time, Michelle reminds herself. So woman up and do it.

She pulls up her voicemails, which along with everything else she never deletes because she's a pack rat, and scrolls through till she finds an old one she hopes will work. She turns up the volume on her phone, holds it up to the Quinjet's console, and hits play.

" _Hi, Michelle? This is Peter from school...I, uh, got your number from Cindy Moon, but, uh, anyways... I know we don't really talk much...actually, I don't know why that's important, but... Just, you're the only person I really know even a little bit in my chemistry class, so I was hoping you could tell me which problems we were supposed to do tonight?_ "

A brief voice crack occurred on "night." This was pre-Spider-Man Peter Parker (Michelle really doesn't delete _anything_. Also, she's only had like twenty voicemails in the history of forever, because she hardly ever gets calls and she always answers when she does). It's still painful to listen to, but it's about to end and this is the part Michelle needs.

" _Well, just call me back, I guess. Or text me. And thanks. It's Peter, by the way. Peter Parker_."

" _Identification confirmed. Peter Parker_."

Michelle lets out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. The Quinjet started up. 

"Okay," she begins to talk herself through things. "This is forward. This is backward. Fuel. Uh...missiles. Don't need those." At least not yet. "Right, I remember all this. Cool. Let's takeoff."

What Michelle didn't realize is that the AI was now ready to listen to her every command. The Quinjet lifted off the ground without her having to touch the controls. 

" _Set destination to engage autopilot for the rest of the trip,_ " the AI requested.

Michelle cleared her throat. "Titan," she said. "The planet Titan."

Of course, it was just an AI, but the voice still sounded hesitant when it repeated back, " _Confirmed. Setting course for Titan_."

* * *

 Titan isn't as dark as she imagined it in her dreams, but it isn't necessarily dissimilar beyond that. 

It's a desert, basically, full of the skeletons of odd alien machines and ships Michelle can't begin to understand. 

But while it all amazes her, it's not what she's here for. 

The Quinjet sets down outside the wreckage, and once the AI confirms the atmosphere is breathable, Michelle exits the jet and begins to explore.

It takes her an hour to hike through what she assumes was once a city. It's when she reaches the other side that she finds what she was hoping she would.

That is, _who_ she was hoping she would.

Thanos isn't as scary as her nightmares told her, at least not in appearance. He looks something like a mutated grape. Michelle feels nothing but hatred for him, no matter how many ridiculously funny nicknames he could be given.

Since she didn't expect to get this far, her plan is somewhat weak. Basically, she knows she needs to get the drop on this guy and threaten to kill him if he doesn't reverse what has been done. Then hopefully he'll do that. 

Her plan instantly backfires when the Titan turns around from the horizon he was gazing at and looks directly at the spot where she is crouching.

"I know you're there, child."

His voice, deep and almost soothing, sends a chill through Michelle.

"Come out where I can see you," Thanos orders.

Stubborn as always, Michelle debates staying exactly where she is, or sneaking back toward the Quinjet. But some part of her knows that neither of those options will result in anything good, and another part of her also knows that this is exactly what she has wanted all along. She wants to be face-to-face with the being that brought her entire life to a standstill.

She walks out into the open, and then she and Thanos are looking at one another.

Thanos smiles in a way that is clearly supposed to be friendly. "Hello, Michelle."

For a minute, Michelle loses the ability to speak. Her throat goes terribly, terribly dry. 

"How do you know my name?" she demands, trying to sound like her normal tough self but instead sounding like a scared churchmouse. 

Thanos lifts his left hand, where sits a golden gauntlet with six glowing stones set in the hand.

"I know everyone's name," he says simply. "If I wish to."

"Oh, yeah?" Michelle says. "So that means you know the names of my mom and dad? And my baby sister? And Peter Parker?"

"I do," Thanos nods. "It is both a gift...and a curse."

Michelle feels something fiery hot boiling in her, clouding her vision, and she knows she's about to lose it. "What about why I'm here? Do you know that?"

"I know what you've come to ask me," Thanos says. "Just as I think you know what my answer will be."

Michelle is no longer about to lose it. She _has_ lost it. She begins to cry and shout in rage at once.

"YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME!" she screams bitterly.

Thanos sighs and sits down. 

Michelle clenches her fists, wishing she could beat him to death and knowing she doesn't have the strength to do him a bit of harm.

"What I did, I did for you," Thanos says. "And for your children and their children afterward. I lost everything too, you understand. I don't expect you to believe me, but I lost someone I loved very much."

"Then why did you do it?!" Michelle demands.

"I told you," Thanos says. "For you, and for your--"

"I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO DO ANYTHING FOR ME, DID I?!"

"That is simply because you didn't know it needed to be done."

The stories were all true. There was a gauntlet and there were Infinity Stones and Thanos used them to wipe out half of existence because he thought he was doing the universe a favor.

"I don't care about your bullshit!" Michelle spits. "I want you to undo what you've done!"

Thanos has the audacity to laugh. "My dear child, I spent most of my life working towards this goal and killed more people than I ever wanted to in order to achieve it and you expect me to reverse everything just like that?"

Michelle's next thought--it comes to her instantly--is selfish. Perhaps it was her own desperation that made her wonder how important _everybody_ was to her. She didn't know everybody, and while she had once believed she would become a great leader who cared and looked out for people she would never even meet, those days looked to be behind her now. Now, she couldn't afford to look after everyone. Just those she felt a responsibility to.

"What if you didn't undo the whole thing?" she asks. "What if you just undid a small part of it?"

Thanos looks up at her, frowning. "Go on."

"I want Mom and Dad back," Michelle says. "I want Elizabeth back and I want Peter Parker. Oh, and Mr. and Mrs. Leeds. Do you know them?"

"I told you I know everyone."

"Also Betty Brant, Cindy Moon, Principal Morita...and Flash Thompson. Even Flash." That was everyone she knew that disappeared. Everyone that was really important to her. "How about that?"

"Ten people, brought back from the soul world," Thanos muses. "You are asking a great deal of me, child."

" _Ten_ people?!" Michelle scoffs. She's beginning to control herself now. Now her tears are done, her vision is cleared and she's negotiating. "I don't think that's a lot, all things considered."

"Of course, you must understand, the balance only works if it's actually balanced." Thanos' gaze hardens. "Bringing back even one person would undo the balance."

Michelle's next thought--it comes to her instantly again--is even more selfish. It's downright awful, actually. If she could look inside of herself, she might realize just how bad it is. But right now, she only knows that she is desperate. She wants her family and friends back. She wants everything that was taken from her.

"What if you took ten people in exchange?" she suggests, her heart beating rapidly. 

"I could do that," Thanos agrees. He looks at her curiously. "You have a strong will. I admire that."

"I don't give a shit if you admire me," Michelle says bitterly. "Can you do what I asked or not?"

_Ten people, Michelle. Are you going to be responsible for the deaths of ten people?_

_Screw that, I'll be responsible for_ saving _ten people._

_And killing ten others._

_Shut up._

Thanos lifts his gauntlet and gestures at it with his right hand. "Beautiful, isn't it? I can simply snap my fingers and anything I wish upon the universe will happen. Of course, the snap is just for show. It isn't a necessary part of some ritual."

"You don't deserve that power," Michelle says. "No one does."

"If I didn't deserve it, I wouldn't have succeeded," Thanos says. He raises his left hand higher.

_Ten people, Michelle._

_Murderer._

_Murderer._

_Murderer._

The pangs of guilt that she would have had to live with her entire life eat up Michelle so fast that she cries out, "Stop!" before she can think about it.

Thanos lowers his gauntlet in surprise.

"Don't," Michelle bows her head sadly. "I can't... I can't let you do that."

_But what about Mom? Dad? Elizabeth? Peter? Ned's parents?_

_I can't._

Thanos seems to understand. "Perhaps not so strong a will after all," he says, sounding indifferent to the whole thing. "It would seem your journey was for nothing, then."

_I just want to see them again._

_I want to hug Mom._

_I want to hear Dad tell jokes and Elizabeth laugh at them._

_I want to kiss Peter's dumb face._

She still could, she realizes. She still could, and she wouldn't be responsible for any more disappearances, either.

"Take me," she says. "Take me into the soul world, or whatever."

Thanos has hardly any brow, but what little he does have raises in genuine surprise. For all his power, he didn't seem to foresee that one coming.

Michelle is looking at him without any hatred now. Just determination and hope that he'll do what she asks.

"C'mon, you can snap your fingers, right? It's that easy? Just do it, already!"

Thanos studies her carefully. "You wish for me to end your life on this plane of existence? Permanently?"

"If I can see everyone you took from me," Michelle says. "Then yeah."

"You understand the balance will be undone?"

"Then you can bring someone random back to replace me."

Thanos considers it.

"Very well," he says, standing up. "I don't quite understand you, Michelle. You're choosing death over life."

"I'm choosing the people I love most in the entire world," Michelle argues. "I'd rather be dead and have them than live a life without them. But I don't expect you to understand."

Thanos obviously didn't. No matter who he claimed to have lost, he seemed perfectly content sitting in his makeshift hut on his homeworld.

But he also didn't seem to care. 

He raised his left hand once more.

"Wait," Michelle says. "Will it hurt?"

"No," Thanos replies. "It will not."

The last thing Michelle heard before vanishing was the snap of his fingers.

* * *

 The first thing when she hears when she comes to is the voices of the people she loves most.


End file.
